Truth...

Truth is an interesting thing. I have recently come to realize that I have a pretty vast knowledge of nutrition, at least based on what the most recent studies are showing us. And, I believe in what I know wholeheartedly. Enough that if I had children I'd feed them according to what I know is true at the moment.

But, here's the reality...the fat chick isn't credible.

It's true. I know as much as some professionals in the field, and not as much as others, of course. But, it doesn't matter because I don't look the part. It goes back to the old saying "proof is in the pudding". I never go to a hairdresser if her hair is a freakin' mess. I never take fashion advice from the woman who looks like she walked out of a bad 80's movie. So, I get it. And, it makes sense.

I was recently in a situation where a woman who was much thinner than I was, was talking about what foods were healthy and what foods weren't during a social lunch with others at the table. She was right, on a couple of things...but very mislead otherwise. Many of us are. And I hate that. I feel like the food industry is just sitting there laughing their asses off while we consume their products, make them rich and continue to get diseased. They don't care. But, I DO! I decided to share some information for her to consider. If faces could say a whole sentence without speaking a word from their mouths she would have said with that look on her face... "yeah, because you're clearly in the know....all 260 lbs. of ya...whateva!" lol...I swear to you the expression on her face seemed to say exactly that.

But, I AM in the know...and I really want to help other people see the wool that is being pulled over their eyes. But, I might as well be invisible right now. The truth is...no one believes you know what you're talking about unless you LOOK like you know what you're talking about. You gotta practice what you preach.

I really want to be heard...even if it only helps just one soul find her way. And, if I want to be heard, I need to SHOUT. The best way to shout is to do it and be the example.

A surprise for me!!

Wow! My step son surprised me with a free health club membership for the summer. He is a certified life guard, and got a summer job working at the local health club here in my town. He said he gets to add one family member onto his free membership and he chose me!

He has struggled with his weight and has asked me for advice over the past couple of years. He's taken the information I've given him, and researched quite a bit of his own, and is now trim and fit and most importantly healthy. He eats well, understands the importance of good nutrition and exercises. He's become my inspiration and I'm very proud of him. I know he struggles like I do, so I can appreciate all that he's accomplished.

Every now and then he gives me advice and I think he's really rooting for me. I think the best "thank you" I can give him for thinking of me for his free family member add-on, is to go workout! :) Hope it's air-conditioned! lol

ex's and more...

Today my husband's ex-wife tried to manipulate a situation and my husband made sure to block her move. I'm so grateful to have the devotion and dedication that he gives me. I think part of the reason I love this man the way I do is because he's always made it very clear to me that I'm his here and now and always will be. <3 Mad love...mad, mad love.

I've decided to change the entire direction of my life. I'm such an advocate of clean eating and I hate what the food industry and those who are suppose to protect us from such monstrosities have done. I want the next part of my life to be dedicated to making change. Not just in my own life personally, but globally. I want to help people ignite a fire in their bellies. Take a stand. Demand truth. I want to take what I have left of my life and be the example of the change I want to see in the world.

I have big plans. BIG. And, I've already started...stay tuned!
;)

My Climb Begins Again

UGH! I'm so MAD that I let myself gain this weight back!! I'm having a moment of serious regret and pure ANGER! I HAD it under control...I was doing it and now it's as if I never did it and can't figure out how to again. REALLY? That's ridiculous! SO MANY things have happened this year that would have been 150% better if I'd reached my goal...which I would have been to by now and beyond! I'd probably be studying for my personal training certification...I might be applying for a Weight Watchers Leader position....my skating rink is having a 30 year reunion this summer and I'm still fat!! My husband's band scores a spot in a big festival and I'm going to be baking in the sun in all my fatness while half naked skinny chicks roam all around me! My mom's memorial service is in August and I had wanted to be an example of how you can go from fat to healthy and on the day I say goodbye to her show her that I did it...something I know she would have been SO proud of. As I sit here and type this my chin has become two and there are two little pimples right where the crease of my new chin meets my old chin. Lovely. I can't breath just walking from the car again. I have HUGE headaches again. I don't even have enough energy to take a shower without becoming exhausted. And I use to KICK ASS and NOT that long ago! I'm 3.5lbs. heavier than my highest weight. A new all time high. I feel about as sexy as a wad of chewed up gum. And the thing that keeps playing in my mind is...what happenend??? You had this!!

The bottom line?

It doesn't matter how much time I've wasted or even that I've regained all this weight and then some. It doesn't matter that I'm going to have to go through the upcoming events in my life heavy and not at my goal weight afterall. It doesn't matter that I should have stayed the course but didn't. It doesn't matter that I have doubt that I can't do this again even though I know exactly what to do, how to do it and why. It doesn't matter that I'm sad. It matters that I stand up and be present in my own life...and take back what is my birthright. The absolute unwavering fact that I am worthy of a good life, taking care of myself, being selfish and finishing what I started. That's what matters. I am worth my own time and I'm worth the work and worth the effort. I deserve a happy life simply because I was born. Everyone does. The thing is...no one is telling me that's not true. No one but me. I'm the one standing in my own way. Well, I'm about to break my own legs and get my fat ass out of my own way, let me tell you! I have had it!!

Somewhere between March of 2010 and now I lost my purpose and direction in life...the sadness overcame me and I just didn't care about it anymore. And, now I am convinced that the whispers inside me will never stop until I realize my potential. They are quite literally annoying the shit out of me!! I need to be the example. I need to be my own example first and foremost...and then I need to pay it forward. That's all there is to it. I've been trying to accomplish this purpose for YEARS. It's time to do it already and see where it leads me...I know it leads to growth, because I can feel when I get close to uncovering the gifts that will be bestowed on me for my efforts...I shut down. I feel like I can't possibly take on the responsibility of being an example. It's scary. I'm not good enough to pull it off. I'm terrified of the opportunities that it will unlock. I don't want the attention because I don't know what to do with it. It scares me to have to deal with that. And all of that is growth just waiting to happen.

It's amazing how, when we want to find excuses we will. And they feel like valid excuses. BULLSHIT. They are not valid. There is NO reason to ignore yourself. Ever. Not kids, not husbands, not family, not even God. No one. Because if you don't take care of you you're a shell.. Empty. Nothing. Dead inside. You can only give to your kids, your husband, your family and your God if you are full. Happy. Purposeful. Alive.

Your mind is powerful...use it.