2010 is here!!!!

Bring on 2010!! I'm so excited to be where I am right now. I have lost 55 lbs. this year...since June 20th and I'm very proud of myself and happy that I have something to show for my efforts. I have alot of work to do still and Christmas was definitely a detour to that. That's when indulgences are worth it...holidays, specifically thanksgiving and xmas...and possibly vacation...the rest of the year is when I want to really focus on my nutirtion and overall health.

I will be making some changes this year to my plan. I want to focus more on the clean eating aspect of my plan and clean it up even more. I'd also like to start weight training. I have been weight training but not with any specific goals in mind or structure to my workouts. I'd like to change that this year. I will still be on Weight Watchers, to track my weight, but I'm going to focus more on clean foods in proper portions without tracking points....see how I do and then re-evaluate in the next few weeks.

I'm excited to get started...actually I already started this week...and I'm looking forward to seeing the results!

Happy New Year!! :)

ugh...

lol...I want chocolate in the worst way...actually I KNOW we are having chocolate no bake cookies on Christmas and I am just drooling for them...I gotta try extra hard to have MONUMENTAL control when eating those cookies. If they were sitting in front of me right now I'd eat at least 10 without taking a breath I'm sure. They are those magical kind of melt in your mouth, the perfect texture and flavor and give you that "O M G" feeling as soon as you swallow the first bite. LOL Man....I gotta get a grip! ;)

I am feeling so much better and on top of my game again!! WOOOOO HOOOOO!!! It feels good to KNOW that you can have a scary slip and find your way back in what I consider record time. I'm so happy that I didn't give in to my old ways.

I've been thinking about how much weight I want to lose and how much I'm willing to put into maintaining etc. I want to really see what I'm made of. This is it, it's now or never, so why not?!? I want to take my physique to the highest level I can and get lean and toned and as fit as possible. Just to know that I can do it and also to see how much I would like it. I am always in awe of people like Tosca Reno, Mia Finnegan and other fitness models...but especially Tosca.

Tosca was overweight in her early 40's and that's when she took up bodybuilding...she hasn't been doing it since she was a tiny 20-something...she carved that beautiful body from where I am right now. It gives me a bit of hope that I might be able to get my figure back and least somewhat. I am hopeful. I want to be healthy first, but now that I'm getting that part accomplished...I'm starting to want "the look". lol

I'm so excited for this next year...I'm going to see myself unveil before my own eyes!! I have several things to look forward to experiencing in my new body and I'm looking forward all of it. I also want to explore more in the organic whole foods venue...trying new foods, new recipes and expanding my current menu.

I'ts almost here...the new year!! I can't wait!!! :)

So, I'm sitting here freaking out about how much I messed up last week (the first real mess up that resulted in my first gain since I started losing weight!) and as I'm beating myself up thinking about how weak I must be...and here we go again, I better get back control before it gets out of hand...cuz it ALWAYS gets out of hand and why is that anyway...and on and on, one freak out after the next...when I flip the magazine I'm desperately reading, trying to find a huge dose of motivation and my eyes fixate on the word "sugar" and of course I'm going to read it next!

I'm sure it would be a copyright infringement to rewrite it in it's entirety here, so I will just tell you that it's a MUST read and you can find the article in the January issue of Oxygen Magazine. The article is titled "Of Grit and Grain" on page 56. EVERYTHING she says in this article is exactly what I have come to realize through trial and tribulation in my own journey thus far. It was so enlightening to hear someone else state my findings as their own truth, and the truth of thousands of other women who have come to realize the same things. She talks about the Food Industry, which many of you know, I have HUGE issues with, and the information in the article truly made me even more resolved that sugar is in fact detrimental to my health and I need to work on getting rid of as much of it as possible. Currently I have organic brown sugar in my coffee in the mornings...I use to drink one cup a day. I've noticed that since eating clean my coffee consumption has gone to 4 or 5 cups a day (and night - decaf) and I suspect now that it's due to my body craving the sugar...I seem to always want a cup of coffee. I LOVE coffee and don't want to give it up but I dunno, it might have to come to that. I'm not willing to sabotage my efforts, my health, my life for a cup of coffee. I know I can drink it black, but that's not nearly as appealing, obviously. For a sugar addict, loading it with cream and sugar is like drinking a slice of cake! lol

Anyway, I seriously encourage you to check out the article. The whole magazine is a great read!

Pork Roast Stir Fry

Jogging/Running

I've never been a runner. Even when I was a competitive skater, I didn't run. I have never run. In high school I walked the required lap around the field and took C's in P.E. because I refused to run. I would always get a nasty stitch in my side and my girls would bounce so much I thought one of them was going to launch off at any moment and hit some unsuspecting pupil running next to me. *shakes head* I have just never found even the smallest bit of enjoyment out of it.

However....

Lately my walks have turned into speed walks and I find myself wanting to take flight mid walk. I have actually wanted to run....well, maybe a light jog would be more accurate. I've never felt this urge before. But, I find my mind has been trying to force my body to stay at a quick walk...my legs clearly ready to launch into the jog...my heart and lungs saying "pfft! that all you got?"....and it seems the only thing stopping me is fear.

So....the next gym workout is going to be on the treadmill....and when I get to that moment when my legs want to launch into a jog...I'm actually going to let them! lol...


;)

50 lbs. LOST FINALLY!!!

50.4 lbs. LOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!

I finally reached my half way mark of 50 lbs. lost!!! I cannot tell you how proud I am of myself and how accomplished I feel. Saying I've lost 50 lbs. is so much sweeter than saying 49 lbs. lol As thrilled as I am about the loss I want to stay focused on the next 50 lbs. One day, one week, sometimes one moment at at time.

My goal is to lose a total of 100 lbs. by Dec. 31, 2010! I'm well on my way but I have alot of work ahead. The next 50 are going to be tougher than the first. The smaller you get the harder it is to drop weight. Plus my weight loss has slowed in the past 3 weeks.

I've added weight training to my exercise routine and I've noticed I'm much hungrier since doing that. I'm going to tighten up my nutrition over the next few months, eating much cleaner than I had and worrying less about points. I know my portion sizes very well now and that was the main function of Weight Watchers for me. The other side of WW is that it allowed me to indulge in a meal out and still lose weight. I'll continue on Weight Watchers but will be focusing more on the Clean Eating side of my plan. We'll see how that goes in the coming weeks.

I will be stepping up my workouts as well. Adding more days and a more regular cycle of weight training! I'm excited!! :)

Here's to better health!! Bring it on!!!!! :)

Yeah, this whole taking pictures of food business is a pain in the patooty! I might try again, but the last two days I don't have pics. I forgot my camera or managed to remember taking a pic of just one meal...it's hard to carry it around and snap shots before you eat lol....I think it's valuable...sometimes seeing a photo rather than reading words works for people much better. So, maybe I'll try it again the rest of this week...maybe just Thursday and Friday. We'll see, not making any promises though.

:)

Food for Today, Sunday Nov. 1, 2009

Okay so I decided to post food pics for one week....hopefully I can keep up with it. It's kinda a lot of work to do.

For some reason the photos are stacking in reverse order...LOL this may be a short lived project...seems like a lot of hassle to do this but I'll try it.

I don't have a picture of breakfast because I forgot to take it before I ate it! lol but breakfast was french toast made with 1 egg and 2 whites, but I didn't use all the egg and I used 2 slices of lo cal whole wheat bread and I put 2 tsp of butter on them. = 4 points
And I had 2 cups of coffee with stevia and 1 tbs. creamer = 2 points

The next meal was 2 chicken tenders = 2 points
with 1 tbs mushroom alfredo sauce on top = 0 points
1/2 cup canned corn = 1 point
1 cup coffee with creamer and stevia = 1 point


The next meal was turkey and lo fat cheese sandwich
made with lo cal wheat bread, 2 tsp fat free ranch sour cream and mustard = 4 points
carrots with 1 tbs. fat free ranch sour cream = 0 points (2 tbs = 20 calories, 0 fat)
1/2 apple = .5 points

The next meal was seasoned ground beef in 1 tsp olive oil = 4 points
cherry tomatoes = 0 points
carrots = 0 points
fat free ranch sour cream = 0 points
1/2 cup strawberries = .5 points.

2 Liters of water

Roller Skating!!!

I lost 3.4 lbs. last week for a total of 43.8 lbs. lost total!!! woo hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND, on Tuesday, November 3rd, I start skating lessons again!! I use to skate competitively in the 80's when I was a teen. I just got a call from my previous coach saying they were starting Adult dance lessons!! YAY!!! They offer Freestyle now, but I am a dance skater...so this is just fabulous! I'm still too big to do some of the things, but in time it'll all come together! I can't believe I get to skate again!!! This is soooo exciting!! :)

Also, I joined a Christmas Challenge on YouTube, TrulyJess is sponsoring it. The challenge goes from Nov. 1 thru Dec. 21. I have a personal goal of 11 lbs. lost in that time period and with the holidays here I'm hoping the challenge is going to keep me ultra focused!! :)

I was also thinking about posting up pics of my foods that I eat daily. I wonder if that might be helpful to others? I was also wondering how it might affect the challenge outcome...I might do that. I would have to carry my camera around or maybe take pics with my cell phone...hmmm, I'll start doing that tomorrow I think. I like the idea of it. I'll post them only on this blog though.

That's it for now. OH! I have before and after pics on the Weight Loss Diaries Facebook page if you wanna see them. :) Happy Halloween everyone!!

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/group.php?gid=97742383758&ref=mf

HOME GYM!! Yes!!

Today my husband agreed to building a home gym at home!!! WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!! I'm soooo excited about this because I LOATHE the gym. I think he realizes how serious I am about this and is willing to invest in a home gym. We will start out with the weight set and bench first, then I think we'll get a treadmill...we both like the treadmill so that's a good cardio piece. My bedroom upstairs is pretty big so we are going to set it up upstairs. The treadmill we will probably put in the kitchen though. OMG!!! I'm so happy about this!!!!!! I workout 10 x harder at home...no one around to see me sweat and grunt and I don't have to get dressed up or drive anywhere!!!! It's a beautiful thing!!! WOO HOO!!!!!! I can't wait until it's all in place! In addition to working out in my gym, I ride my bike to work and back when it's not raining, which is pretty often right now. I walk on my lunch (if it's raining I'll take an umbrella as long as the rain isn't horizontal or I'll go up and down the stairwell (4 floors) for 8 to 10 flights up and back down.) And, the roller skating rink is just down the street from me. :) Plenty of ways to stay active!!

A home gym!!!!! Oh man I am so happy!!!!! :D

221.4! YES!!! I'm only .6 from 40 lbs. lost and 2.4 lbs. away from being in the TEENS and saying goodbye to the 220's!! I also just realized today that I'm a good 3 months ahead of my goal time. I want to lose 100 lbs. by December 31, 2010. I am glad I have a cushion, because you never know if you're going to run up against a plateau and weight loss naturally gets slower the closer to goal you are. I'm hoping that it will work out that I can reach that goal by that date! I'll be happy with wherever I am, but it keeps me focused to think that I have that challenge to try to achieve.

David and I are talking about renewing vows in Vegas! That would be fun to do and put another carrot on the pole I dangle out in front of me. At my wedding I was my highest weight of 260lbs. It would be nice to share that moment with him again in a new healthy body. He's been losing weight too....lol....he tells me he has to keep up with me! So cute! I am so in love with him....

So, today we are going to the Pumpkin Festival and I am finally getting over the cold I've had for the last two weeks. It should be a fun day! I found a low cal recipe for pumpkin muffins I am considering trying this weekend. I love Fall! I think I'll research some other "pumpkin" recipes...I did find a pumpkin fettuccini made with tofu fettuccini noodles, very lo cal, very healthy. I love pumpkin so I'd love to satisfy the season's tastes with some healthy pumpkin recipes.

I'm so happy with my loss this week. I lost 5.4 two weeks ago and 4.8 the week after that, so this 1.4 is great! I knew with two huge losses in a row I might see a maintain on the scale. So, I'm happy it's still moving down. :)

uh oh...

So, I was just noticing some strange things....I've been rediculously tired this past week to two weeks...I have had a cold and was still exercising until the middle of this last week when I realized how fatigued I was feeling. And, my period tried to start but then just stopped. AND, I've been wanting to eat like a horse (and ate all my flex points and have dipped into my activity points this week. Could I be pregnant????? I'm wondering.....and a little bit worried.

What I eat in a week

People have asked me what I eat. I decided I would post a week's worth of my meals and what exercise I did during that same week. It varies each week. This particular week was last week. Last week I lost 4.8 lbs. and I had a cold. I typically eat whole foods, organic when possible, but not always. I eat 4 to 6 small meals a day. I keep all of my meals tracked on WeightWatchers Online. I am currently at 27 points per day, 35 flex points per week.

Day 1 (Saturday) used 27 points

Meal 1:
scrambled eggs 6
1 cup fresh organic fruit 1
coffee with stevia and cream 1

Meal 2:
2 slices rye bread 4
2 tbs brown sugar and cinnamon cream cheese 2
1 chocolate chip yogurt (all natural) 3

Meal 3:
2 Fresco Chicken Soft Tacos (Taco Bell) 6

Meal 4:
1 chocolate chip yogurt 3
salad with homemade fat free sour cream dressing 1

Day 2 (Sunday) used 31 points

Meal 1:
nitrite/nitrate free canadian bacon 1/2
1 slice lo fat swiss cheese 2
1 egg 2
1/2 whole grain organic english muffin 1
1 tsp butter 1
1/2 banana 1
2 Tbs hollandaise sauce 1
2 cups of coffee 2

Meal 2:
9 whole grain organic crackers 1
1/2 can vegetable barley soup (organic) 1
1/2 pear 1/2

Meal 3:
beef strips 5
2 small corn tortillas (whole grain organic) 1
salad with home made fat free sour cream dressing 1
1 cup cooked onions 1
1 tsp olive oil 1
1 cup corn 1

Meal 4:
Whole wheat organice mini bagel with 1 tsp butter 3
1 bite of macaroni salad made with lo fat mayo and regular pasta (why I ate only 1 bite) 1
1/2 banana 1


Day 3 (Monday) used 20.5 points

Meal 1:
coffee 1
whole grain organic hot cereal with flax seed 2

Meal 2:
1 hard boiled egg and 3 egg whites 3
carrots with fat free sour cream ranch dip 0
1/3 large sweet potato 1

Meal 3:
1 tsp olive oil 1
whole grain organic english muffin 2
1 Tbs butter 3
1 egg and 2 whites 2.5

Meal 4:
2 whole grain organic corn tortillas 1
2 slices canadian bacon 1
1 slice lo fat swiss 2
1 tsp mayo 1
tomatoes 0
dill pickle 0


Day 4 (Tuesday) used 28 points

Meal 1:
hot whole grain organic cereal with flax 2
2 cups coffee 2

Meal 2:
carrots with sour cream dip 1
Canadian bacon and swiss rolled 3
1 tsp mayo 1
3 egg whites 1

Meal 3:
2/3 large sweet potatoe 2
chicken with 1 tsp oil 5
buffalo sauce 0
onions cooked 0
2 tsp olive oil 2

Meal 4:
2 weight watchers cookies 2
tootsie pop 1

Meal 5:
1/3 sweet potatoe 1
1 egg 3 whites 3
1 kiwi 1

Day 5: used 35 points

Meal 1:
whole grain organic hot cereal with flax 2
2 cups coffee 2

Meal 2:
Egg salad sandwich 8
carrots 0
dill pickle 0
cherry tomatoes 0

Meal 3:
Yoplait Light Vanilla yogurt with 1 tsp Hershey's chocolate sauce 2
Turkey with 1 tsp olive oil 5
Corn on the Cob 2
3 Tbs butter 9

Meal 4:
2 weight watchers cookies 2

Meal 5:
2 corn tortillas 1
lo fat swiss 2
dollap ranch fat free sour cream dip (homemade) 0


Day 6 (Thursday) used 30 points

Meal 1:
1 kiwi 1
2 eggs 4
2 cups coffee 2

Meal 2:
2 corn tortillas 1
turkey with 1 tsp oil 5
carrots with sour cream dip 0
dill pickle 0

Meal 3:
yogurt 2
2 weight watchers cookies 2

Meal 4:
2 eggs and 2 whites in 1 tsp oil 5
1 whole grain organic english muffin 2
1 Tbs butter 3

Meal 5:
2 slices lite swiss cheese 3


Day 7 (Friday) used 22 points

Meal 1:
hot cereal (as before) 2
1 cup coffee 1

Meal 2:
carrots 0
turkey with 1 tsp oil 4
2 corn tortillas 1
sour cream dip spread on tortillas 0
dill pickle 0

Meal 3:
1/3 sweet potato 1
1 egg 3 whites 3
dill pickle 0

Meal 4:
2 weight watcher cookies 2
1 cup coffee 1

Meal 5:
1 cup green beans 0
1 cup ground beef cooked with 1 tsp olive oil 1
1 tootsie pop 1


EXERCISE:
Saturday: Brisk Walking 60 minutes earned 3 points
Sunday: None
Monday: Treadmill 20 minutes on incline 3 points, Eliptical 30 min. 6 points
Tuesday: Brisk Walking 20 min. 1 point, Step Aerobics 55 minutes 10 points
Wednesday: None
Thursday: Treadmill 65 minutes 5 points
Friday: Brisk Walking 85 minutes 6 points

I didn't use any of my activity points this week. I can't use them unless I've used all my daily points AND all my flex points.

I was low on fruits this week, normally I would have had a fruit with my morning meal each day. Hope this might be helpful to someone. :)

My updated stats:

Weigh-in on September 12, 2009: 236.2 lbs.

Total lost so far: 24.6 lbs.

1.5 lbs. to my first 10% goal
2.7 lbs. to my end of September goal

:)

Status Update...

I lost 3.6 lbs. this week....okay, here's the weird thing. I used all my 15 earned activity points, except 1.5, ALL my extra weekly points, daily I came in under my points a couple days, but basically used my daily points fully each day. I went out to eat twice, once was burgers, garlic cheese fries and a shake, and I did split one meal with my husband, and we split the shake, but it was big enough to call it a regular small for me anyway...and I did take a HUGE hour and 40 minute walk through downtown with my husband afterwards, but still....that's not clean eating for sure. And, the other night was chinese food and I had seconds...I did count the points though (that's where I used the most of my extra weekly points). I showed a 3 lb. gain the night after but for the week I lost 3.6 from last week.

I eat 5 to 6 small meals a day, my diet is very clean all week for my normal meals. I never take a cheat day or meal...even when I go out and don't eat clean, I still count the points and I don't consider that cheating, I see that as living realistically.

My diet consists of oatmeal or brown rice cereal, bee pollen, flaxseed, wheatgerm, fresh fruits (berries, bananas, nectarines, watermelon, honeydew melon, pears, pineapple, etc.) vegetables (squash, cucumbers, tomatoes, greens, green beans, corn, carrots, asparagus, etc.) sweet potatos, whole wheat pasta, olive and canola oil, onions, garlic, chicken tenders, ground lean turkey meat, hickory smoked tuna, eggs, lots of them for protein ~ usually 1 whole egg and 3 whites per serving, canadian bacon (nitrate and nitrite free), light provolone cheese, ezekiel bread or lo cal whole grain bread, organic soups, whole wheat tortillas, bran flakes, fat free or 1% milk, stevia (natural sugar substitute), coffee creamer. Most of my items or organic...some are not...depends on my finances. I try to eat a protein and a complex carb at every meal...all my meals usually include a fruit or vegetable (sometimes they serve as my carb but I also incorporate lots of whole grain products too).

I try to mix up my foods each week and choose different varieties of foods or try new items as long as they are whole and not processed. I don't do 100% unprocessed foods, only because I can't afford 100% yet, so I pick and choose which are most important to me to be organic and unprocessed.

I exercise about 4 days a week and walk alot. Right now I don't regiment it...I just look for opportunities to be active and do it. My exercise is usually my step (aerobics) and some squats and floorwork. I also do isometrics at my desk when I'm doing data entry. I will contract my abs and hold for one entire transaction, then let go for the next and repeat until all my entries are done...usually 50 to 60 entires. I will also do squats, lunges or calf raises while in the elevator if no one else is in there...I can get one 15 rep set in per elevator ride. I will also walk up and down the 4 flights of stairs in the stairwell at work 2 to 3 times on my break or lunch. And, I will often walk the neighborhood on one of my breaks as well. when I start going to the gym I will have a normal weight lifting regime and cardio 4 to 5 times a week. I also want to go roller skating at least twice a month with my sister (we do that for fun tho!) I also like to ride my bike in the evenings with my husband but haven't been able to lately because the tires deflate overnight, I need to have them replaced completely and finances are tight right now.

I wanted to write all this down so you can see that I'm not starving myself and I'm getting exercise and good foods in. I think my combination of clean eating, eating small meals all day and exercising has created a fire to burn fat that works well for my particular body. I have no idea if this would work for anyone else...I listen and pay very close attention to my body...if it's not happy I don't keep doing what it doesn't like. So far, I feel good, healthy, energetic and I'm sleeping better. My skin is clearing up and I notice that I don't have heartburn EVER anymore...I also don't have as many allergy issues as I use to. I still have them, but they are less aggressive.

At this point I've completely made some serious changes in my mind...my mindset is so different. First, and most important, I understand and have a very keen awarness of my addiction to food. I am always concerned about triggering binges and recognize when one is trying to manifest. When I start to feel that I immediately go into my mental work and get myself busy with some exercise or jump on YouTube and start watching videos...I think about my goals, I think about the Diaries' girls, I think about what my mom is going through with her health right now and I remember why it's important for me not to give in to that addiction...I'm worth MORE than that and finally I end that mental talk with me talking to myself like I'm my own child...and I kinda wrap myself with love and protection and say "this is gonna pass...just let it pass sweetie..." and for some reason that works. Hmmm....I wonder if I sound crazy...lol

My sister and I took my mom to Sacramento on Thursday for her Kidney Transplant initial consultations and screenings. We were so tired, having started at 4:30 a.m. for the long drive,all day appointments and alot of emotional realizations, we needed COFFEE for the drive home. My sister was going to drive, but I wanted to stay awake to help her stay awake. So, we stopped for some coffee and I decided to get a drink that had regular sugar in it (my thinking was I had enough points and I figured the sugar would help jolt me awake). I was okay with the conscience decision...but when I took a sip, it was so incredibly sweet it burned the back of my throat. My sister tasted it and said it was pretty sweet but she'd drink it if I didn't want it. I thought WOW! My body can't handle that anymore. I also felt a slimy film on the roof of my mouth. So, I gave it to her and decided to load up on some water, fruit and whole grain crackers and light cheese instead. (I packed a cooler to bring with me and ate from it all day long.)

I want my weight loss to slow down but I honestly feel like I'm eating and behaving in the most healthful ways and I don't want to change that. I want to put nutrition in my body...and I want to exercise for all the positive benefits it affords (mainly I want to prevent osteoporosis with weight training rather than drugs) and I'm working on my endurance so I'm not winded when I walk down the street anymore.

I weighed in at 239.0 this morning bringing my total lost to 21.8 lbs. :)

STATS

My Stats:

06/20/2009 260.8 start weight
06/27/2009 258.4 -2.4
07/04/2009 257.4 -1.0
07/11/2009 257.4 -0.0
07/18/2009 258.0 +0.6
07/25/2009 254.2 -3.8 (started weight watchers the week before)
08/01/2009 249.8 -4.4
08/08/2009 248.2 -1.6
08/15/2009 246.6 -1.6
08/22/2009 242.6 -4.0 18.2 Total lost so far

The start...

Hello and welcome to my story. I'm going to start by introducing myself and letting you know how I got to where I am right now.

I've been overweight my entire adult life. As a teen I was a competitive roller skater, and stayed in pretty good shape....weighing around 140 lbs. I was very active but had horrible eating habits. I wasn't raised on a balanced diet. The only reason I wasn't large at that time was because of the extraordinary amount of physical exercise I did as a skater.

The year I got married, I gained 40 lbs. almost immediately, so fast, in fact that I developed quite a few stretch marks. It puzzled me at the time...why this was happening. I had never really struggled with my weight and was confused as to why it was coming on so fast.

After my marriage I stopped skating, started work as a Secretary where I sat for 8 hours a day and no longer had time for the gym. I cooked huge meals (just like my mom did) not realizing I was serving enough on mine and my husband's plate to feed 3 people each. Needless to say, over time, I continued to gain weight. The little bit of exercise I would do to try to lose weight was futile because I wasn't adjusting my portion sizes. I thought the exercise alone would do the trick and was frustrated and annoyed by the whole process.

Add to this a very stressful marriage, a husband who wanted very much for me to lose weight because he was worried about his own image and how my poor physique reflected on him (his actual words). 13 years later we divorced...he left me for a 22 year old, skinny trophy type who he married and is extremely proud of. I didn't know it at the time, but it was the best gift anyone could have ever given me....in the end he ended up giving me back my life. Without knowing it I surrendered everything that I was and catered to him and his needs. It was a good experience in that I learned so much about what NOT taking care of your own needs will end up doing to you.

My husband's infidelity and my feelings of failure put me into a state of depression I feared I might never get out of. After 5 long years of therapy and a lot of hard work, I emerged....just as a beautiful butterfly emerges from what seems like certain death. I stayed single for 7 years, dating off and on and learning alot about men and how full of sh*t they can be. And, during that time, I tried many attempts at weight loss. Weight Watchers, Body for Life, Atkins, Calorie Counting, Vegan, etc. I was in my 3rd attempt at doing Body For Life when I decided to post vlogs on YouTube. I discovered a small group of BFLers who became my support system.

I met my current husband about that time, and my mother became ill as well. This changed my life completely. I decided to move back to my hometown to be closer to my mother and about a year and a half later got married. My weight loss efforts took a backseat, with a couple of meager trys in that time period. Something pretty significant changed in that year and a half. I was with a man who accepted, and completely loved, me just as I was. There was no pressure to lose weight from him. There were no strings attached. It was amazing how liberating that was. I not only had a wonderful relationship with an amazing man, but I was still able to grow the individual person I was, am and will be. This opened a whole new way of seeing weight loss and health. It was no longer a neccessity for being accepted. It was my choice. MY choice.

I decided to take a good long look at how I was approaching weight loss, what worked in the past and why, what didn't and why not. After alot of research, trying some different methods and testing theories I came up with what I currently do now and have been very successful with so far. I am very excited about my journey ahead and have been amazed at how much has changed already. I want to use this blog to write my story...to talk about what lies ahead.

The method I am currently using to find my way back to good health is multi-faceted but simple in my mind. I eat clean. Which means my diet consists of "mostly" whole, unprocessed, natural, and as organic as possible, foods. I eat 5 to 6 small meals per day and am careful to limit sugars in all forms, organic or not. I eat mainly lean protein, whole grains/breads, fruit and vegetables and healthy oils. I started doing this and in one month lost about 2.8 pounds. Not bad, but felt .....slow. So I took a look at what I was doing and realized my portion sizes were pretty big. I was raised on large portions...that felt very normal to me. So, I decided to add Weight Watchers to my plan for better portion control. I still eat clean and adhere to my original diet, but now I assign points to all those foods and stay within my points range. I've lost another 15.4 pounds in the past 5 weeks....clearly adding Weight Watchers to my plan is working beautifully. I do have an treats but it's very occassional and I am very careful about the quality of the treat and still stay within my points range. Recently I've been increasing my activity, to include brisk walking, step aerobics and smaller break time walks and trips up and down our 3 flights of stairs at work. I also do isometric exercises while sitting at my desk doing data entry and anytime I'm by myself in the elevator I do tow raises or squats. I stretch and do a fair amount of floorwork at home as well. I don't have a set routine that I have to perform daily or weekly, I just simply find time in my day to get something in if I can.

I surround myself with support. I vlog on YouTube with The Weight Loss Diaries and I have a personal channel as well. I post on The Weight Loss Diaries Facebook page, blog on my Myspace Page and share my journey with all my family and friends. I stay accountable, willingly. I want to succeed and I give myself every opportunity to do so.

The other wonderful women I vlog with on The Weight Loss Diaries are a huge inspiration to me and we are all working toward a common goal, which unites us. We have decided to have a "meet-n-greet in 18 months (from July 2009) to celebrate our achievements. That gives us 18 months to reach toward our goals and possibly attain them. For me that means a 5.5 lb. loss every month until December 2010. What a wonderful way to ring in the new year ~ This has served as a catalyst for me. Dangling that huge carrot out in front of me like that has ignited a fire in me like I've never experienced. I'm hell bent on changing and achieving that goal. There is no looking back. There is no going back. Only forward....I want MORE. I will have more. This is the beginning of my story....

Before....260.8 lbs.